THE BIG PICTURE ON LOVE

People often confuse love with a complex of feelings (attraction, pleasure, devotion, respect, even pity) that are, unfortunately, changeable. That popular culture often portrays love in terms of happiness, great sex, or self-fulfillment encourages them to equate love with good feelings. The problem is that good feelings never last – so while love will certainly have good feelings accompanying it, if our devotion to another is not based on more than good feelings, our relationships are doomed to be as temporal as our good feelings.

In the Bible, good feelings are rarely associated with the concept of love. Rather, the common ideas associated with love in the Bible include sacrifice, submission, and loyalty. And even the most basic reading of “the love chapter,” I Corinthians 13, reveals a basic difference between the modern conception of love and the Biblical conception: while we tend to think of love as being all about self-fulfillment, Biblical love is all about serving another.

Love is sacrificial:

I Corinthians 13 is called by many “the love chapter.” It is the most extensive treatment of the concept of love in a single passage in the whole Bible. It is instructive that, when the King James Version translators attempted to capture the “flavor” of the chapter, they translated the Greek term for “love” (agape) in a unique way in this chapter. Instead of using the English word “love” in this chapter, as they had throughout the Bible, they chose to translate the Greek term with the English word “charity.” They did this because they reckoned that in this one chapter, love is revealed to be not so much about what one gains, but rather about what one gives.

Charity/Love gives patience to others (13:4), gives due regard to others (13:4), gives higher priority to the needs of others (13:5), gives others the benefit of the doubt (13:5), and charity gives what it gives forever (13:7-8). Charity/Love then, is not about what we get out of something, but it is rather about what we put into it. So it is legitimate, in a Biblical sense, to speak of love in terms of “investment.”

God Himself demonstrated his love for us by what He gave (John 3:16) – and note that in this passage He loved with no reservations; He gave his only begotten Son. No sacrifice is too great for love then, right down to the giving of our whole lives for the object of our love (John 15:13). But love is reciprocal – the one who gives all in love to another has a right to expect that the object of his love will also live his/her life in such a way as to please him (compare John 15:13-14).

Love is submissive:

The Biblical concept of love is intimately bound up with the idea of submission. While the concept of “submission” is looked upon with disdain by feminists, the Biblical concept of “submission” is NOT that women are submissive to men – but rather that women are submissive to their husbands who are in turn submissive to their wives (Eph. 5:21-33).

The Biblical concept of submission does not demand that either party be a doormat for the other party, but rather assumes that neither party is seeking their own good, but rather is focused on the good of the other (I Corinthians 13 says that “Charity seeketh not her own [benefit]”, and the submission of the wife in Eph. 5 has as its ultimate goal the husband’s sanctification of the wife [5:25-28]). At its root, Biblical love assumes that the one who loves places the needs, wishes, and desires of the other above his/her own needs, wishes, and desires (John 15:13, I John 3:16). Love is not a feeling, it is rather a complex of actions (I Cor. 13:1ff, John 15:13).

Love is loyal:

Biblical love demonstrates its loyalty to its cherished object in both a positive and a negative sense. First, the negative – love separates itself from any interest that may compete with our love for the cherished object.

By way of example, Jesus speaks of ultimate loyalty to him as being demonstrated by his disciples being willing to abandon their families and mundane lives and pursue him alone (Luke 14:26). Similarly, the marriage relationship has a negative element – we are told that marriage consists of leaving our father and mother and holding fast to our spouse (Genesis 2:24, Eph. 5:31). That we are told to leave father and mother is a circumlocution which indicates that we should be willing to leave everything – the most important obligation in the ancient world was the obligation of a child to his parent – so when the Bible tells us that we leave father and mother for spouse, it in effect means that we must be willing to abandon everything and anything for our spouse.

There is also a positive element to the Biblical concept of loyalty – in our abandoning everything else, there is a need that we cleave to (the Hebrew term means to “be fused together with,” think of being “glued”) our spouse. In abandoning all, we free ourselves to pursue the development and riches of a one-to-one relationship based on a complete giving of ourselves to another, and complete reception of another.

In fact, the relationship between spouses in the scriptures is so close that the two individuals that comprise a marriage to an extent lose their identity in the marriage, and the marriage is figuratively spoken of as becoming a third, organic entity that is larger and more important than the two individuals that comprise it. The Biblical language is that, in marriage, the two spouses “become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24, Eph. 5:31). That this third, organic unity is more important than either of the two persons who comprise it is revealed in the general rule given by Christ that the marriage relationship is so important that neither individual (nor the rest of society) has the right to dissolve it (Matt. 19:4-6).

The marriage relationship is thus revealed to be the most important relationship in a person’s life – more important than the relationship with parents, children, friends – so important that society itself must leave the workings of the marriage relationship to the two people involved.

This is by no means an exhaustive look at the Biblical data on love, but I do think these are the big-picture principles that both help us define what love is, and hopefully help us to see how far we (both as a culture and as individuals) have strayed from the ideal.

Biblical love is therefore shown not to be self-centered. It does not even consider what it can get, but rather what it can give. Biblical love is an unselfish, self-sacrificing desire to meet the needs of the cherished object.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it…. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. HE that loveth his wife loveth humself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the lord the church: For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones” (Ephesians 5:25-29)

These are tremendous words! Look at what they say:

. The love of Christ makes possible a pure and faithful love of husband and wife, “strong as death.”

. When husband and wife become “one flesh” they are joined by such love which comes from Christ. He is the only source from which such love can come!

. There is a stronger love than selfish sexual passion. To “nourish” and “cherish” your spouse means a tenderness and fidelity that is unworldly; it is from above. Again, it is not original with us poor sinful humans. It is “even as the Lord [nourishes and cherishes] the church.” We learn that kind of love from Him, not from the world!

. The one who believes the Good News of God’s grace becomes an actual member “of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.” This is better than being a loveless millionaire, for, as Solomon says you can’t buy real love for all the money in the world. The love of Christ enriches the love of husband and wife-and lo, here is happiness like heaven on earth! If you have a friend who is discouraged about his/her marriage, get him to read these words in Ephesians!

The Old Bible idea seemed to be that the wife is the servant of her husband. She called him “lord” or “master”. Eve’s name signified “mother of all living” (Genesis 3:2);the idea was that woman is the womb, for the existence of offspring. There are few people in the world, and they wanted many children. Every Hebrew mother hoped she might become the mother of the promised Messiah. But now that the Messiah has been born in Bethlehem, a new vision has come. Woman has ceased to be merely the “womb” of humanity or the “garden” in which to sow seeds to increase the tribe. The song of songs celebrates a higher love between the husband and wife. What binds them together is love, not merely a population-increasing function like a factory.

Such love takes us back to the Original purpose of our creation as male and female before sin ruined it and resulted in woman being punished by being placed subservient to her husband. The song of songs describes the kind of love that Christ gives to marriage. Yes, ‘husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church,” and wife is to “submit” unto him; but “as unto the Lord.” She is no longer to be a slave or an object of property, she stands by the side of her husband in a new relationship of trust and respect as his full equal “in Christ.” The new woman “in Christ” is free to develop herself to achieve the almost infinite capabilities God has implanted in her. “There is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). They are now equal. “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7).

Sadly according to today’s research, the divorce rate in America is anywhere from 40-50 percent for first marriages and even staggering higher percentage for second and third marriages. And unfortunately recent studies have shown that Christian marriages have about the same failure rate as non-Christian marriages.

From the beginning of time God has had a plan for marriage. His plan is simple, that husbands and wives should love and respect each other. Recognize each others strengths and weakness and build each other up with encouragement.

Genesis 2:18 (NIV) The Lord God said “it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him.”

God had formed both men and women to perform various tasks, with all of these tasks leading to the same goal———– Honoring God!

Even though each role carries exclusive privileges it does not make one greater or less than the other.

God gave Adam and Eve marriage as a gift and he made them perfect for each other. Marriage was not created by some cultural practice or simply for convenience. But from the beginning of time it was designed and created by God.

A strong biblical marriage contains these three basic aspects

1. A man leaves his parents and in a public act makes a promise to God and his Wife to devote himself to her until death.

Genesis 2:24 (NIV) says “For this reason a man will leave his Father and Mother and be untied to his wife, and the two will become on flesh”

2. The man and woman will be joined together by taking responsibility for each others welfare and by loving each other above all others.

Ephesians 5:25(NIV) says “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her”

3. And lastly a husband and wife shall become one flesh in intimacy and commitment that is reserved only for marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV) says “(3)The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and like wise the wife to the husband.(4) The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body belong to him alone but also to his wife. (5) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control.”

Many marriages are successful. Many are not. Having your marriage based on a Christian foundation can increase the chances of it being successful and long lasting by leaps and bounds. Again, as we know marriage is not easy but incorporating Christian principles on a regular basis can make those difficult times become much easier.

There has been an 1150% increase in cohabitation in the last 40 years. At the same time the divorce rate in America continues to climb and is one of the highest per capita in the world. Since the advent of marriage laws in the early 1900’s, divorces have increased 500% on a per capita basis. All relationships have their challenges. Usually we view these challenges as personality and lifestyle differences. During marriage there is a continual need to work through personality and lifestyle differences while maintaining a healthy loving relationship. There is also a second challenge which most of us do not consider when entertaining the prospect of marriage. State and federal family law legislation has added another variable to the marriage dynamic — that of joint money, joint liability for debts and joint ownership of assets. Why did lawmakers include joint ownership of accumulated assets, liability, debt and judgments into the institution of marriage? Does this enhance the relationship or increase the potential longevity? Does this criterion change the motivations for marriage? What about the effect on the motivations for divorce? Is current family law what our faith-based forefathers intended?

More than 15 million people in America are cohabiting and this number is increasing exponentially. For the first time in history, there are more unmarried households than married households. America is in the midst of a major societal revolution as it pertains to traditional relationships and lifelong intimate commitments. The blame rests in part with State family laws (marriage/divorce laws), State/Federal marriage tax penalties and Social Security entitlement penalties for the married. Other reasons for the high divorce rates are directly attributed to a major social shift in the commitment of marriage coupled with societal acceptance of multiple intimate relationships in a person’s lifetime.

Psychologists have claimed money and finances are the number one reason for dysfunctional marriages. What if money issues were not part of your loving lifelong relationship? The Eternity Commitment or “EC” is an alternative to marriage where you have a committed lifelong relationship; however do not have the issues of joint money and possessions.

Thousands of years ago, marriage was created and defined by the different religions as the lifelong bonding of loving heterosexual couples, thus creating a family unit recognized by God. Marriage was blessed by the clergy and vows shared and expressed publicly under the eyes of God at the appropriate ceremony. Marriage was a spiritual commitment where the man and woman became one “spiritually”, not financially. There was no government intervention or marriage law mandating that marriage was a financial partnership. It would have been superfluous because religion strongly discouraged divorce.

The traditional structure of marriage created thousands of years ago is more functional and self-sustaining than marriage as it is structured today. Modern society has imposed a myriad of challenges to any formal relationship including marriage itself. The inclusion of the state-mandated financial partnership with the institution of marriage has resulted in dysfunctional motives for all aspects and phases of the marriage relationship.

Most couples believe marriage is a single lifelong commitment. However, there are actually three commitments within the realm of marriage. The first is the personal commitment of love and companionship for life. This is the most important commitment for without this commitment no other commitment will survive. The second commitment is the spiritual or faith-based commitment. This is optional based on a person’s faith. The third commitment is the marital law commitment. This is the commitment of a financial structure for your marital relationship. The structure of the marital law financial structure is synonymous with forming a 50/50 business partnership. Yes, you could just as easily duplicate the financial structure of marriage with the formation of a 50/50 business. With marriage, incomes are considered to be joint income, debt acquired by either person is joint or community debt, the couple forms one legal entity and the couple is one “taxed” entity according to the IRS. Just like a business partnership. I know of no couples who marry for the purpose of forming a business partnership. This is the basis of the dysfunctional relationship of present-day marriage.

Many 21st century couples do not want the state-mandated financial design of marriage nor do they want to ever experience the emotional trauma or financial repercussions of divorce. Therefore, they choose NOT to marry. Imagine having the freedom to design your own financial structure for your lifelong relationship rather than being forced into state-imposed rules. The Eternity Commitment gives you that option. You decide what is best for you during your relationship. AND… with an EC you never get divorced.

Most people don’t realize that when a marriage license is obtained you are opting for and agreeing to the state mandated financial structure of your lifelong relationship. A marriage license has nothing to do with your spiritual or personal commitment. In all 50 States, a marriage license is optional for your committed loving relationship. There are many benefits and reasons to opt for an Eternity commitment.

The Eternity Commitment is a relationship of love and companionship for life. It represents the traditional structure for the family which has endured for thousands of years. In the early 1900’s lawmakers enacted thousands of laws which re-characterized marriage to be a relationship of money, debt and possessions. When you analyze marriage laws, they are not about love, honor and cherish until death do you part. They are about joint ownership of property, debt, liabilities, businesses, retirement moneys, etc which in reality resembles a 50/50 business structure. People don’t marry to become business/financial partners; they do so to make a commitment to share love and companionship for life. So why complicate the intimate relationship with spending/saving habits of a partner when there is an alternative to keep the finances separate.

The Eternity Commitment is a lifelong commitment of an intimate relationship not involving marriage. The financial structure of the Eternity Commitment is self-defined between the consenting adults, thus bypassing and avoiding a state mandated financial structure for marriage. The financial structure of an Eternity Commitment is similar to that of a “joint venture” where individuals keep their financial and legal identities when sharing an intimate relationship of love and companionship. With an EC a checking account is established for the depository of funds to pay joint living expenses. In contrast, the financial structure of marriage is where the two parties become one financial, legal and taxed entity. Everything is joint ownership. The structure of marriage has within it inherent strife and conflict associated with spending and savings philosophies and ideologies. The meshing of money and possessions with the marriage is dysfunctional to the intimate relationship. In essence, the financial structure of marriage is contributory to the high divorce statistics.

In recent years, Common Law Marriage has been abolished in all 50 States (with a few caveats), so cohabiting with an intimate relationship will not automatically presume you are legally married. Today, you have a choice to marry or not to marry… or have an Eternity Commitment.

State marriage laws do not enforce the primary commitment of marriage, “until death do us part”. Therefore, the institution of marriage in no way protects a marriage from failure. If one person desires a divorce, the courts will grant it. The process of divorce is in reality, the process of splitting the co-mingled assets and debts. In many cases, the person breaking the commitment of marriage will profit financially because they will receive enrichment from their ex-spouse for the investment they made in the marriage. Thus, state lawmakers have created immoral incentives for divorce.

With an Eternity Commitment all property, money, retirement, investments, assets, debts, etc. remain sole and separate unless the two involved agree to include them in the “joint venture” portion of their relationship. Therefore, if there is a separation of people, there is no need to separate money and possessions because these are already separate. This is in contrast to marriage where all assets, debts and liabilities are co-mingled or made apart of the “community” as mandated by marriage law. Therefore, the requirement to split assets is the premise for the divorce.

Because of the high probability and risk of divorce, people are increasingly becoming disenchanted with marriage. Rightfully so — because if the love in a marriage ceases, all that remains is money and possessions. This is the origin of emotionally charged and expensive divorces. The person who has financially invested the most in the marriage has the most to lose in a divorce.

The pitfalls that lead people to forgo marriage are the beliefs that people:

1. Marry for money,

2. Stay married because of money issues,

3. Manipulate their spouses while married over money and possessions,

4. And last but not least, divorce for money (financial enrichment).

As mentioned earlier, there are numerous marriage tax penalties and Social Security Entitlement reductions for the married.

The Eternity Commitment returns the lifelong loving relationship to that of tradition — to the structure created for marriage by various religions thousands of years ago, and before the introduction of marriage laws of the early 1900s. With an Eternity Commitment the spiritual and ceremonial aspects of marriage are preserved where the celebration of your commitment may be blessed by a spiritual leader and vows expressed in a ceremony similar to a wedding. There is also an Eternity ring to visually and personally express your commitment.

Many people have questioned the institution of marriage, and rightly so. What you get today with marriage is not what religions historically created for lifelong relationships. However, today most people marry based on the traditional structure and beliefs about marriage. They soon learn tradition is not present-day reality. Marriage laws have superseded the faith-based structure and commitment of marriage.

Financial losses from divorce can be enormous and devastating, especially for the wealthy. Paul McCartney is facing the prospect of paying $400 million dollars to Heather Mills for a failed short term marriage. This is outrageous! Similar divorces occur in America. With most areas of asset protection there are loss insurance and corporate structures to protect individuals. No insurance companies protect individuals from divorce losses. The Eternity Commitment has a financial structure to provide this protection.

The alternative form of a lifelong commitment termed the “Eternity Commitment” defines the structure to eliminate the financial implications and dysfunctional behaviors of marriage/divorce. It focuses on the original premise of a lifetime relationship to be one of love and commitment.

The desire for people to marry will continue to decline and marriage will continue to be in crisis in America as long as state family laws have incentives for divorce and self-serving and immoral spousal behavior. Divorce must stop penalizing the spouse who has invested the most in the marriage. In addition, the marriage penalty tax still remains in many aspects of federal and state tax law and must be eliminated for people to desire marriage. Social Security entitlements should not be reduced for retirees who marry.

In America we enjoy many freedoms. The freedom to design our own financial structure for our lifelong loving relationship is one such freedom. The book Eternity Commitment shows you how to do this and how to avoid the pitfalls inherent with the state-mandated financial structure of marriage. The Eternity Commitment is the relationship structure where you never get divorced! The book contains a FREE Eternity Commitment Companionship Agreement which is a $500 value if you hired an attorney to write this for you. This document outlines the understanding and provides a self-defined financial structure for your lifelong relationship.